


Whispers of Autumn Winds

by Wyrdafell



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Broken Heart, Feels, Loki left, M/M, Reunion, Sad Fluff, Tony is about to die, Tony is old, True Love, mascara alert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 05:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1333129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wyrdafell/pseuds/Wyrdafell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>«Of course he should have considered it.</em><br/><em>Of course he denied it, postponed it and really didn't want to think about it. He even tried to dismiss it as total nonsense.</em><br/><em>But he had known now for a long time that the metal shards in his chest would kill him one day and there was no chance to avert it.»</em><br/>Tony Stark's life is almost over. It doesn't end at a battlefield, it ends after a long life in his lonesome bed. The only person he wanted to share it with left a long time ago and never came back. But Tony never forgot him and is still waiting for the only man he ever loved, and if it's only for a whispered good-bye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whispers of Autumn Winds

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! *harrumph*  
> I guess it's time for uploading my first fanfiction at ao3 after all this time. I am so nervous :D This one is my first English-written FF and there may be many grammatical mistakes I am sorry for. Please note: My native language isn't English and I haven't found a Beta so far but if there's someone out there who wants to correct this story: feel free to contact me :D  
> Allright, I hope you'll have fun reading this story anyway :)

Of course he should have considered it.

Of course he denied it, postponed it and really didn’t want to think about it. He even tried to dismiss it as total nonsense.

But he had known now for a long time that the metal shards in his chest would kill him one day and there was no chance to avert it. The arc-reactor did its best job but it wasn’t made to keep him alive forever. It was never good to live with foreign objects in your own body, especially not if there were parts of a deadly weapon inside of your chest.

He wasn’t the youngest man anymore, no. His seventy-eighth birthday was half a year ago and his body became weak. Since a few years he wasn’t able to do filigree work anymore and he spent the last weeks in his bed.

But Tony didn’t want to die. He wasn’t ready yet.

The heartbeat in his chest was arduous, his skin full of age spots, his hair white and his eyes glassy. He knew, as most people know, that his life was lived and there were only days or hours remaining.  
Tony was proud of all the things he achieved since Afghanistan. He grew to be a better man and helped to make the world a planet worth living on. He fought the bad guys, donated money to charity-organisations and built kindergartens and schools. He was given credits for it and the newspapers wrote encomiums about him. But most important for him was to ease his conscience and to show it was worth fighting for the right and important things in this world.

You could say Tony Stark was a man without doubts and compunctions, but there was one thing he regretted. And hours shy of his death he still couldn’t answer the question about what exactly his mistake was. To let this person enter his life or to let this person go.

 

After he confessed everything to her, Pepper told him he went ultimately insane now. But she respected him and his desires as always and was at his side, when he was left alone again. Tony never expected Pepper to wait for him. He never wanted the place in her heart to be reserved only for him and so a few years later she married Happy. She was content with her life and gave birth to two wonderful children. Tony treated them like they were his own and supported them whenever he could. He was happy because Pepper was but deep inside his heart the pain of the loss remained.  
The pain of Loki saying good-bye and telling him it would be better if they never met again. It happened at a stormy autumn day and it was the day Tony’s heart broke. 

If you’d ask, Tony couldn’t really say how everything started. Of course, in the beginning there were the kisses they’d shared. Impassioned, hot, but marbled. Both Tony and Loki wanted to cause lust to each others, to push the other one over the edge and to clear their minds of dark thoughts.

It began during one of their many quarrels. You could say they both loved the sarcastic battle of words from the beginning, even though none of them would have admitted it. When Tony spoke out a smug threat on Loki’s life, two or three seconds passed before he felt the amorous lips of the god on his own. He wanted to escape, to push him away; he wanted to feel disgust and hate but inside of him a warm sensation started spreading through his veins. He felt his cheeks blushing and kissed Loki back automatically. Tony deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around the lean body, so the god couldn’t free himself anymore.

Of course they ended up in Tony’s bedroom. The sex was incredible and they both enjoyed it. Loki didn’t stay over night. But he came back eventually.

After some time, Loki’s visits became more frequent but needless to say they were always kept off the record. Tony knew neither S.H.I.E.L.D. nor the Avengers would approve seeing him, the Iron Man, making out with the god of mischief, who tried to conquer the world.

Only Pepper got to know everything about their... well whatever it was at this point, because she walked into Tony’s lab just right in time to catch them while French-kissing. She stumbled out backwards, mumbling Oh my God, Oh my God in an infinite loop and later on, when Loki was gone, she gave Tony a tongue-lashing. She exclaimed if Fury knew about that he’d die because of a heart attack, so she’d refrain from telling S.H.I.E.L.D. anything. Much to Tony’s delight.

Strangely it was her who held his back and understood best how Tony felt. She supported him, felt for him, and she did it without words. He appreciated it and thanked her. In a silent way too.  
It happened that Loki visited him every day or at least every second one. Tony loved every minute with the god, especially because the sex was more than awesome. He wouldn’t have admitted it towards Loki but the sex with him was breathtaking and definitely better than everything he had experienced ever before.

Weeks, months, and even years passed by and actually nothing really changed. But yet there was something important that did. Something that Tony would have liked to prevent if he could have. He couldn’t. Eventually he realised he had feelings for Loki.

Tony wasn’t able to tell when he first noticed that he wanted more than sex from the god. Of course, the sex was good and usually it did satisfy him, so he didn’t get why he felt a stitch in his heart whenever Loki left his mansion and he had to wait for him to come back. These days of waiting turned out to be pure torture for him, even though he never admitted it.

At the beginning, when the... thing between him and the god started, Tony used to sleep with other people. Many women made their way into his bedroom and shared his bed with him, but Tony forgot their names already two minutes after his orgasm. From time to time those escapades became less and finally he stopped having sex with extraneous people. It turned out that Loki was the only one he wanted to share his bed, his tub, his workbench or his lab with. Loki was enough. And Loki was perfect.

And Loki himself? Well, at the beginning he used to disappear right after the sex. Eventually he stayed a few hours longer surprisingly. And then he stayed over night, sleeping by his side in Tony’s bed. It didn’t take long until he spent the following day with him. And the day following that one. In the end, he usually didn’t leave Tony’s side for a week at least.

It was only a question of time until the Avengers got wind of it. Of course, Loki wasn’t the villain anymore; he paid his dept in the Asgardian dungeons and didn’t start any world-conquering actions since then, but still. He wasn’t a very welcome guest around the Avengers.

Needless to say it was Nat who found out. There was a great hullabaloo after she told everyone and Clint totally freaked out, while Bruce turned green, Thor couldn’t believe a thing, Steve fainted and Tony tried to fucking cool them down. It worked - after three exhausting hours.

He tried to exclaim everything to them and even though they didn’t appreciate the fact that he made out with the god of mischief, they accepted it finally. After a while they got used to Loki walking around in the Avengers-tower and even Clint didn’t try to murder him with his looks anymore.

And at some point it was absolutely normal that Loki joined them at their movie nights, restaurant visits, and day trips.

Tony enjoyed Loki’s presence more than he’d ever admit and whenever the god was there, he tried to spend his time together with him. Loki came and left whenever he wanted, but it was obvious that he liked being close to the engineer too.

You could say they were perfectly and thoroughly happy and they were so good for each other. Unfortunately there was something, something really big, they left unspoken and that made them suffer inwardly. And of course, they couldn’t ignore it forever.

One night, after they had pushed each other three times over the edge and had experienced what the words to make love truly mean, they lay in their bed, exhausted but happy, holding the other one close and enjoying the silence.

The autumn wind outside bubbled up the turbulent sea and whistled songs of ancient tongues against the large windowpanes of the mansion, while the cold moonlight shone through the foggy fast moving clouds into the bedroom.

Tony suddenly felt soft fingers touching his cheek and turned, looking at Loki, who smiled sadly. He pushed himself up to the elbows, wanting to ask the god what was the matter. But before he could even open his mouth, Loki started to speak.

“Tony.” His voice was calm, though it was full of sadness. “I will hurt you. Sooner or later there’ll be the day I offend you, and we will argue, we will fight. Nonetheless I’d have to do what I need to do, because otherwise I’d cause even more trouble than I already did.” He gulped and ran his thumb along Tony’s chin. “It was never my intention to hurt you this way, Tony. I want you to be happy and I want you to enjoy your life, what you cannot do with me at your side.”

Tony had listened silently. “Loki”, he whispered, voice broken. He knew what the god was talking about. It wasn’t like he’d never thought about it, quite the contrary. “No, please.”

“I hope you’ll be happy, Tony. And I hope you won’t think about your future in such a negative way anymore. I don’t want you to pity yourself because you age.”

“I– “, Tony tried to say, but the words stuck in his throat. 

“Farewell, Anthony Stark. And please, be happy. Our joy would only last for a short time and I’d be selfish if I insisted on it. You deserve somebody who’s worthy to stay at your side; somebody who is equal.”

Loki had stood up from the bed and walked towards the tall windows, looking out at the stormy ocean.

“Loki, before you leave...”

The god paused, but didn’t turn around.

“I love you”, Tony whispered, desperate and hopeless.

The god did not budge. Minutes passed in silence, and then he vanished, from one second to another. He never came back. Loki took Tony’s heart with him, who never found somebody as tempting and loveable as the god. Nobody was ever again able to touch him like he did.

Up to his death.

 

Now, he lay in his big empty bed, which he had shared with the god so many times. Just once he thought about replacing it, but he instantly dismissed it. No. This was the place in the whole house that reminded him most of Loki. And he wanted to keep those memories till he dies.

Tony felt his heart becoming weaker. He closed his eyes. The steady beating in his chest slowed down.

His time had come.

“Tony.”

A very well-known voice sounded through the room and pricked up his ears, but he didn’t open his eyes; he was too weak already.

“Loki, you’re here”, he whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek. A tear of joy, because the god was there. But also a tear of sadness, because there was no time left they could spend together.

“I’ve always been at your side”, Loki answered and Tony knew that the god was smiling.

“I know.” Tony smiled. “Why did you come just now?”

“I did not want you to think I had left you forever.” He paused. “I could not let you die like this. You needed to know that I still care for you; I owe you that.”

Tony frowned. “You puny god. I never thought so.”

“I shouldn’t have left”, Loki admitted and caught hold of Tony’s hand. He squeezed it slightly.

“No.”

“I wanted you to find someone better; someone who ages with you and who doesn’t let you drown in self-doubts”, the god exclaimed whispering so lowly that Tony could barely understand him.  
“I am Tony fucking Stark, man…” The billionaire tried to jest, but it didn’t work and so he stopped. Loki was right. Even when they still were together Tony agonised about how it’d go on when Tony became old. “It’s good that you’re here.”

Loki kissed Tony’s hand. “You’re a hero, Tony. And even though you don’t die at the battlefield I am pretty sure that Odin will receive you in his great halls. Valhalla is waiting for you.”

“Don’t tell such bullshit”, Tony said decisively. But he couldn’t do else than hoping for Loki’s words to come true. Valhalla. 

Loki ignored his comment. “And when the Ragnarök is over, when everything is all over, we’ll meet again. I promise, Tony.”

Tony knew, even without opening his eyes, there were tears rolling down Loki’s cheeks but he was smiling nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Tony had become too weak to talk and so he couldn’t answer how much he’d appreciated that. But he nodded slightly. He wasn’t sure if Loki could keep this promise, though he was hoping for it. Hell, he didn’t even know if there was a Valhalla at all. But Loki was real and he was a god. And there were Thor and the other gods. So why shouldn’t be there a place to live beyond the veil?

Tony felt Loki’s lips at his, soft and warm, as he remembered. And he was so full of joy, so amazingly happy about Loki visiting him and sharing his last minutes with him.  
Silence had fallen over the room while outside, the wind roared over the ocean and churned it. It had become autumn.

“I love you”, Loki whispered, to make good what he wasn’t able to say in that fateful night he left the other man’s side. His voice was broken, his hand clenched around Tony’s.

But the man’s heart had already stopped beating.

Loki smiled anyhow. He was certain Tony had always known the true feelings the god had for him.

He walked over to the large windows, looking outside at the stormy ocean and seeing the dark clouds moving over the canopy. Loki almost felt the cold wind brushing his skin and breathed out heavily, closing his eyes in sad peremptoriness.

Then, he disappeared, as if he’d never been there.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah,... well... I know it's not a masterpiece... But I hope you'll leave a comment or something so I can improve my spelling style, grammar, etc. If you want to read the German version of it (which is, obviously, the base of this English story), you can find it here: http://www.fanfiktion.de/s/523a052c0002d8aa23a7a5dc/1/So-wie-der-Herbstwind-weht  
> Thank you for reading (:


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